Tuesday, December 3, 2013

The Kindest Words Someone Shared With Me Recently

I recently received this message in my YouTube inbox...

Subject: Thanks for Sharing

I just wanted to thank you for sharing the things you do with your child and the methods that you use to raise her. As a first generation college student, I guess you could say I am in a stage in my life where I am discovering my own values in life and establishing independence.

Thinking back, my parents, who came from China as farmers had very "Chinese" methods of bringing up me and my sister, and thus growing up in this western country has allowed me to understand the different methods that parents use to bring up their children. Small things like asking them questions to make them think, and requiring them to say please are also reflective of how I was brought up.

However, I have never recalled once in my life when I was told "I love you" by either of my parents. It was always either violent or harsh punishment when I disobeyed them or did something wrong. Perhaps that is why I feel happier away from home.

I mean, I have them to thank for the individual that I am today, but there are so many things that they could have done better, or raised me in a way that caused me to love them more. I just cannot do that now because that is just how I was raised, and that is still how I feel. I oftentimes go home, and something that I do still annoys them and they yell at me. I try to reason; talk it out with them, but all they do is yell back even harder. That does not help the situation.

For all of these reasons, I will always value bringing up a more loving, caring, and connected family so that I can correct mistakes that my parents made or could have done better. Thanks for sharing your videos, which reflects a lot of the values that I desire in my future family. I hope that you continue to show the love and patience that you already do with your child for as long as possible into the future.

Sent to: piecesofm

This viewer is so insightful and courageous for sharing. And I am both shocked and honored to have even touched his radar.

Being raised by one culture while growing up in another can be like a perpetual, life-long culture shock. You're torn between the values and teachings of some of the most (if not the most) influential people in your life— your parents (from a different country)— and those you've gained through experience and education in a completely different culture, environment, and mentality.

For me, it didn't make sense. To this day, it still sometimes doesn't. Why isn't open communication, forgiveness, respect for others' differing opinions (the ability to agree to disagree), the desire to enjoy each others' company and wish happiness for others... universal? Because it just isn't. That's what culture is and what makes us different. That said, however, doesn't mean we cannot grow beyond our culture, even if we've been subjected to it since birth.

I had a very difficult time dealing with those differences, resorting to apart time if I need(ed) it. You do what you have to do to stay sane, healthy, and happy. The beauty of growing up is having the ability to think and choose for ourselves (and assuming we are courageous enough to leap those bounds), without the reliance and, perhaps, oppression of others' thoughts/desires upon us.

I have always wanted children and imagined I naturally would. The latter came harder than hoped for but now, as a Mom, I vowed to do and be the things I would have wanted my parents to do or be in the departments I thought they lacked.

Parenting can be scary, as the choices and decisions you make are infinite. The best advice I've gotten and live by to this day has been from one of my best friends and which I published in the post, My World, In Color. I encourage you to read his words because it is totally completely true. It's about love.

All that said, if you've gotten to this point, thank YOU! Thank you for spending the time with me and us. It really does mean the world! :> xoxo

I'm very grateful for YOU. What are you thankful for?

Share in the Comments below, we'd love to hear! :> xoxo

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