We Are Warriors

Warriors.

When I was pregnant with Nui Nui back in the summer of 2011, the mother for whom I was finishing up tutoring her twin boys wrote:

'All the best to you and soon to the third female warrior in the family.'

From then on, I referred to us women of the family as Warriors. And though the reference was not my own, we own it.

We are fighters. We believe in love, happiness, and good health. We fight against illness, tough times, and the hate (or disapproval) of our unconventionalism. We fight for each other and we do it together. As individuals, we are strong but, with our combined strengths, we are even stronger. We are warriors. xo

Royal Blue Striped Midi Dress! [FASHION]

This is a bit of a throwback (almost two months)— you can tell because I didn't color my hair yet :>. I filmed a video at the start of the July 4th weekend and took these pics too. I'm still working up the nerve to edit that video of exhaustingly prancing around like a fool :> One of my subscribers requested I do more fashion videos and it's been on my mind since. I'm using Pinterest to rile myself up and trying to bounce back from a rough month. Post a Comment to nudge me more, I could always use more nudging :> xoxo

I heart midi dresses and skirts. For work, they're the best length. They're sleek, professional, form-flattering, and comfortable. I definitely recommend getting ones made of a forgiving material (with a little bit of stretch and wiggle room) :>. A detail I missed when taking these pics is the hole in the lower back. On hot days, you can show a little skin. Other days, you can just wear a tank top underneath to stay covered up.

Regarding accessories, I stuck with the striped theme with both a cuff (heart cuffs!) and ring. My most favorite accessory for the outfit, though, came with a panda face, heart pants, and striped paw-shaped pockets :>

What's your favorite time of dress? Share in the Comments below, we'd love to hear! :> xoxo

I Tell My Daughter She's Beautiful And I Don't Regret It

Huffington Post published an article on How To Talk To Your Daughter About Her Body. It was obvious and I was prepared for what I was about to read: a self-righteous talk (or lecture) about how body image doesn't matter and we shouldn't let on that it might (or does), and how there's more to just one's outer beauty, that inner beauty is the only thing that really matters. I've read articles like this before and, as anticipated, the article nailed it.

Only thing is, I kind of disagree with most of what was said.

'Teach her about kindness towards others, but also kindness towards yourself... Tell your daughter that with her legs she can run a marathon if she wants to... She can scream and she can sing and she can lift up the world, if she wants.'

That's about as much as I took from the piece. The others? I'm not so sure.

'Don't talk to your daughter about her body, except to teach her how it works. Don't say anything if she's lost weight. Don't say anything if she's gained weight. If you think your daughter's body looks amazing, don't say that. Here are some things you can say instead... Better yet, compliment her on something that has nothing to do with her body.'

Because I've read articles like this before, I used to be self-conscious and careful about making comments to my daughter about her physical attributes. But I think the girl is beautiful and can't help but tell her sometimes. And I'm not sorry I do. (Post continues below photo.)



There are flaws with avoiding any discussion of body image. By purposely not talking about body image, we deprive our girls from learning how to deal with it, perhaps, in a constructive manner. Instead, they are left on their own accord with messages (lessons) from the media and others around them to form their ideas.

'Maybe you and your daughter both have thick thighs or wide ribcages. It's easy to hate these non-size zero body parts.'

Why is it easy? Because comments like these make it so. Case and point.

Don't you dare talk about how much you hate your body in front of your daughter, or talk about your new diet. In fact, don't go on a diet in front of your daughter. Buy healthy food. Cook healthy meals. But don't say, "I'm not eating carbs right now." Your daughter should never think that carbs are evil, because shame over what you eat only leads to shame about yourself.

Agree— 'your daughter should never think that carbs are evil'... BUT the reason is because you have taught her what they are, why people think so, and why our bodies need them to function properly, such that 'evil' and 'shame' are so far removed from her association to carbs.

Don't go on a diet? Maybe. If it's a crash, extremist, or uninformed one, yes. But maybe you really do need to go on a diet— change your diet, that is, with the understanding that it's for life and you're not doing it for superficial reasons but to try to maintain the best (mental, physical, emotional) health as you can, be able to actively do things together, and be a part of their lives for as you long as you can. In that case, maybe you can actually be a role model by going on a diet in front of your daughter because you are showing her how much you value both yourself and her.

'Teach your daughter how to cook kale. Teach your daughter how to bake chocolate cake made with six sticks of butter.'

These were interesting items to mention and it's extremist notions like these that make our girls go to extreme. Teach her how to cook. Period. Teach her how to enjoy both 'healthy' and 'not-so-healthy' foods. Period. Teach her about everything in moderation. Period. Teach her how to recognize and deal with her emotions without involving food. Period. Kale and 6 sticks of butter? Not so necessary.

'Prove to your daughter that women don't need men to move their furniture.'

Why? Why do women have to prove they can lift heavy objects? There's nothing wrong or bad about asking for help or teaching our girls how to. I can't move a lot of furniture, or, I chose not to, to prevent the risk of hurting myself. That has nothing to do with body image. If anything, it shows a certain amount of self-awareness and humbleness to be able to ask for help. That's not to say women should default their thinking that men dominate in all categories but that they don't 'have to get a hernia to prove [they] need a man's help', as quoted from one commenter.

As I've mentioned, I've read many articles like these, always hoping for something different, honestly, perhaps hoping to find the 'answer'. But fact of the matter is, is that there is NO answer, no solution, no 'perfect' way to raise our girls to become women with a healthy body image and no behavior of disordered eating. Moreover, bad body image nor eating disorders don't just stem from comments about body image or food or one's ability to lift heavy objects.

Eating disorders was tagged not just once but twice for this post. If this article is really directed at or about eating disorders, then Sarah (the author) missed out on much of the discussion to help educate others on things they can do that might actually help prevent the deadly disease.

It's idealistic to think body image doesn't matter. Those who do, don't look in the mirror, don't wear makeup, and don't conform to dress code. We live in a society and culture where it does. Rather than ignore it or pretend it doesn't exist, we should be teaching and raising our girls to know how to deal with the irrational thoughts, impossible ideals, and unhealthy behaviors they are exposed to on a repeated daily basis.

I tell my daughter she's beautiful and I don't regret it. But there are about a million other things I also do to praise her, encourage her, help her, teach her, be open with her, show her her value, show her that I love her, that she's worth it, and that she's not alone.

My daughter isn't even three years old and I'm not saying I have the solution on how to raise girls or be an awesome mom, but, to be clear, if you're going to talk 'eating disorders', 'relationships', and 'body issues', IT'S NOT ABOUT THE FOOD, it's not just about body image, silence is not the answer, and it's more complicated than you might think.

10 Things For My Daughter To Know Before She Turns 10 :>

I love having a daughter.



It's funny to say that now because when I was pregnant I was so scared of the implications. Flashbacks of middle school girls. Girls in high school. Being a girl in college. Girls and being a girl after college. It was not easy. Not that necessarily being a boy/guy would have been but the idea of having to rehash and re-experience those lovely times all over again... it was kind of a scary thought and, admittedly, still kind of is, even though I do realize my daughter will not necessarily experience what I did. I hope anyway.

But I guess all parents feel that way— wanting nothing but the best yet realizing there is only so much one can do as parent to help their child(ren) along the their adventure through life.

I just stumbled upon this HuffPost Parents post, 10 Things I Want My Daughter To Know Before She Turns 10. Alternatively, it could have been titled, 10 Things I'm Still Working On... :> Either way, I love these parent-sharing, women-empowering -type lists. Reminds me of What Does It Take To Be A Great Dad?

Daughter or son, what do YOU want (or would you want) your child to know by the time s/he is 10 years old?

Share this post and your thoughts in the Comments below, we'd love to hear! :> :> xoxo

What Every Mom Should Have In Her Closet...

What is your fall favorite fashion piece? Instagram or Tweet us a pic, or Comment below, we'd love to hear! xoxo :> :>

I Am Today's Modern Outdated Parent

Something must be seriously wrong with me...

I actually like my kid. In fact, I love her. And I love being with her and spending time with her. Crazy, I know.

This is my reaction to two articles I read recently. One, I already responded to— Why Women Can't Have It All... Or Can They?— and now, I'm reacting to the NYT's Modern Mothers' Turn To Scratch An Itch, which deems 'Modern Mothers' as those who engage in so-called luxurious practices of spending more than 1/2 the week away from their kids (if not more) and be, well, single again.

Source


They get to indulge in complete independence and zero parental responsibility, which might typically consist of drinking more alcohol, spending more time by oneself, and perhaps going to the spa, reading, exercising, and/or working more, while the kids are 'Daddy's problem'.

Daddy's problem?

Is that what kids are these days? This seriously makes me wonder why people even have kids to begin with (other than on accident).

One woman described living with just one of her kids, with the help of a sitter, while her husband lived elsewhere with their other kid, 'felt like a deep breath. You’re running so fast when all the players are around you and, when they’re not, you focus on what’s good for yourself'. I'm not chiding this woman for what she's saying— as a parent you do forget about yourself and it is important to find time for yourself but to what extent is necessary? Is being far and a handful of days away on end satisfactory? What ever happened to the good-old weekly date night, consisting of a few hours away, most of which are when the kids are sleeping?

I admit I am biased. Completely. I actually think having a kid(s) is the luxury. As I've said before, Parenthood is the best and will make you into an even greater version of yourself than you could have ever imagined :> But that requires actually being there.

Personally, I think the problem lies in the approach. This is my opinion and at the risk of sounding harsh, here are my thoughts...

There are 24 hours in a day and we all get tired. That is just the given parameter everybody— man or woman, mom or dad— has to work within. Parenthood is a choice. It's a lot of work and very consuming. But it's also really rewarding and brings so.much.joy. Don't have kids or too many if you want more time to do other things that don't involve things like helping someone(s) change clothes or diapers, brush teeth, bathe, tie shoes, wipe nose, eat or drink, read books, finish homework assignments, spell words, teach words and everything else it takes to be a HealthyButJuicy human being. It's almost that simple and there are condoms and birth control pills (or abstinence) that can help.

It's important I say this, I think, because our kids hear what we say and read (or will someday) what we write, and they need.to.know we DO value, care about, and want to spend time with them. At least some of us outdated parents do, anyway. Because, seriously, before we know it, they won't want to with us. Childhood is fleeting...

Before becoming a parent I said I'd live by certain parental tenets, including 1. Being There, 2. Smiling Often, and 3. Loving Unconditionally. And I'm sticking to that.

Date night with my daughter consisted of dinner, music concert, and gelato! :> = T+2.5 hours together :>

Date night with my friend consisted of good food, laughs, and design talk! :> = T-1.5 hours apart :>

Balance, fulfillment, and having it all in parenthood while not spending eons away from kid— it IS possible. I'm scratching my itches all over the place and laughing while doing so.

How do you enjoy your kids? Share in the Comments below or Tweet/Instagram us! We (your kids included!) would love to hear! :> xoxo

Why Women Can't Have It All... Or Can They? (**HealthyButJuicy REPOST**)

I just stumbled upon Glamour.com's recently-published article: Why The Woman Who 'Has It All' Doesn't Really Exist'.

'Why Women Can't Have It All, According To Barnard College President Debora L. Spar', though, is the title that actually appeared on my Facebook newsfeed and one that drew me in.

Barnard, in case you didn't know, is Columbia's all-women sister school— I went to Columbia, only reason I know. I was curious to see what this Barnard president had to say, expecting something empowering and inspirational. Something on the lines of: 'Feeling down about yourself? [Yes]. Don't feel bad because it's an ideal/unrealizable goal anyway. [...Ok, but that's not what Facebook is telling me...].

The article's headlining photo is a woman dressed as Wonder Woman running in New York City's midtown with a hoard of other women running after her trying to keep up.

As you can see, the woman is 'svelte', 'scantily-clad', hair so thick 'like Beyonce', beautiful enough to be in Glamour's publication, and, actually, real. How appropriate. Does she, the model, have it all..? Clearly, I'm missing the point but the image is loud, hard-to-miss, and relevant. No?

Spar touches on major life areas— self-image, marriage, motherhood, and career— pointing out despite womens' increasing freedom, we are pin-holing ourselves into a greater misery than when we were suppressed. She writes, 'Feminism was meant to remove a fixed set of expectations; instead, we now interpret it as a route to personal perfection. Because we can do anything, we feel as if we have to do everything. In other words, women today face towering expectations: a pileup of the roles society's long heaped on us, plus the opportunities feminism created.'

On this note, Spar has a point. While feminism has opened a lot of doors, at the same time, it has also increased the pressure to achieve more. But is that a bad thing? And is striving for more the same as trying to be perfect? It's one thing to beat yourself up over things you can't necessarily control like finding your soulmate or even landing your dream job— yeah, that's not HealthyButJuicy— but it's another thing to blast others for trying to reach their goals and criticizing 'Why Women Should Stop Trying to Be Perfect'.

Because what about the writer/speaker herself? Spar is the president of 'arguably the most important all-women’s college in the United States', or at least that's what is touted on her book's description on Amazon.com. She is a mother of three, is married to a husband whom she 'adores', and engages in the daily 'burden' of keeping up appearances by spending about 282 hours per year on beauty (unlike the noted, average 30hrs/year compared to men).

It's funny. She shares...
On beauty: 'Any magazine rack confirms our obsession with one scantily clad celebrity after another... As a requirement for success, beauty becomes just another burden.' Huh? Why is this woman publishing her thoughts in Glamour of all places?— a woman's 'guide to the latest fashion trends, outfit ideas, hair + makeup how-tos, and celebrity scoop', and where the focus is all about beauty and 'burden'.

On marriage: 'Marry someone you love and like; finding a person who doesn't care if you're perfect is a good start.' You hear that ladies?! Stop wasting your time on douche-bags you don't even like. Duh. It's easy as finding a box of fiber cereal for breakfast, a great way to start the day. Try the supermarket?

On motherhood: 'Now we've set the standard that if you can become a biological mom—by spending exorbitantly and undergoing endless medical procedures—then you should. Is that liberating? To me, it feels like another way women have to be perfect or, in this case, perfectly fertile.' Ouch. Let's seriously hope her infertile 'friend' doesn't see that comment...

On work: 'Professional women are frequently asked, "How do you do it?" I hate the query, because doing it all, as is expected of women today, is not doable.' But seriously, how did she do it?

Her conclusion: 'The most crucial thing for women to know today? No one does it all. We each, if we're lucky, will have our chance to leave a mark on the world, but we are trying too hard to be perfect. So don't emulate Wonder Woman; think about what's wonderful to you instead. Then boldly, audaciously, joyfully, leave the rest behind.'

In other words, 'You'd be lucky if you have any impact in this world. Stop trying to be like me. And just settle.'

HealthyButJuicy thinks otherwise.

On beauty: To reiterate MissGlamorazzi's philosophy, 'Makeup is a supplement, not a requirement.' Other than maintaining acceptable hygiene (ie. showering), if you adhere to a beauty routine that feels burdensome, stop it. Use the time to work on your inner beauty.

On love: Source


On motherhood: However you became a mother— through sex, adoption, or one of the 'at least 15 additional ways.. none of which involve sex'— makes you no less of a woman nor crazy.


On being a homemaker: Spar referred to the toils of having to make this dish— Harvest Vegetable Pancakes With Greens and Goat Cheese via Martha Stewart's Everyday Day Food magazine. This is yet another case and point about the author and reason to question how relevant what she is saying is to the average consumer/woman/reader. Who makes vegetable pancakes with beets, carrots, potatoes, and chickpeas? From scratch? Seriously. Who? At the risk of sounding controversial, people who are health-conscious might. People who have the time might. People who are highly educated are the most likely. Time and time again, studies show folks with higher education tend to be healthier. It's an unfortunate disparity but one that still has not yet been bridged. Moreover, it doesn't help when leaders in our educational field don't help, or even make the gap wider with garbage to sell.

On work: There will always be someone out there who is better than you. Likewise, though, there will always be someone out there who lacks your talent. But who even cares? It's not about them, it's about you.

The HealthyButJuicy conclusion: Like everything you hear about health, take what Spar is saying with a grain of salt and always ask questions. Is she a reliable source of information? What will you do differently (if anything) and, ultimately, will your actions make you a better, happier version of you?

All in all, women can't always get what they want. That much is true. Neither can men. But does that necessarily and automatically restrict your ability to be happy, to have drive, to be HealthyButJuicy, or to have it 'all'?

I'm single and unemployed. I lost 10 years of my life to illness, and friends and career-building time along with it. I have this beautiful sunshine I call daughter and the most amazing mother that is an angelic warrior who loves me. I smile. And I laugh. It's not a perfect life nor am I expecting it to be but I kinda feel like I do sorta have it all... Is that crazy?

What're your thoughts? On Spar's opinions, article on women, perfectionism, and having it 'all'? Share below in the Comments and/or Tweet us your thoughts. We'd love to hear!

Happy Healthy Juicy Women! HealthyButJuicy believes in you! xoxo :>